**I found this on a new friends profile and asked if I could use it. He said he found it on the internet a long time ago and the author was unknown. I'd still like to thank him though. Thanks, if you're out there reading this :) **
When I saw this I knew I had to have it. I also knew it was perfect for the 1 year anniversary of my blog. Yup I've been harassing all of you men & women for a year now. It's hard to believe. Time flies yet it seems like yesterday when I published my first post. I'd like to thank everyone who has stuck with me, and all my new followers & readers over the months. I've made many a friend through blogging. I'm grateful for each and everyone of you, and love you all. I'd especially like to thank my friend Rafa. If it hadn't been for you I would have never started a blog in the first place. Thank you my Darling :) Thank you for encouraging me to put myself out there. Thank you for picking me up when I was down. Thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. Most of all, Thank you for loving me when I didn't think I could love myself.
There, now that I've gotten all the girly stuff out of the way we can get onto today's entertainment.
*Note: These view & opinions are the authors, not mine. While I may agree with some and think others are funny, they are not mine.
Sexual Pet Peeves
Sure, we all secretly wish we had weapons of ass destruction, and online we are constantly being compared cockwise to many men. Which naturally leads to “rounding up” of penis size– usually by 1/2 an inch or so. All men do this, even guys who are packing heat– it’s just in our competitive nature.
But it’s the degree to which you do it that can be a problem. If you claim to be well-hung and your online profile states your cuntwrecker is a hefty 8×6– well, you better not show up being only 6×4. This will only lead to severe disappointment, and possible ridicule.
Please. For the love of god/buddha/allah. Do NOT shave off all your pubes. Ever! Unless you are deliberately going for the 10 year old boy look. Which, if we’re being honest, isn’t even a good look on a 10 year old.
I want to have sex with a man, not a prepubescent-looking man-child. Hell, I didn’t want to have sex with prepubescents even when I WAS prepubescent! Ew.
Unless you are 13, you know that any sort of nibbling and sucking on the tender neck flesh will produce a bruise, aka a ‘love bite’. These are not sexy. They are trashy and should strictly remain in the domain of trailer park teen moms.
If you ever ‘accidentally’ give me a hickey, my fist will ‘accidentally’ produce a lovely bruise around your eye, aka a ‘love tap’. Which is also in the domain of trailer park teen moms.
While there is nothing technically wrong with a bit of spit during sex (in fact it comes in rather handy during several maneuvers), it should be kept below the neck unless otherwise agreed upon.
The last thing I want is someone spitting in my mouth or on my face during sex. Even working up extra saliva and pushing it into a mouth during kissing is not something I want to deal with. I’m just sayin’.
By ‘flatulence’ I’m not talking about the accidental ‘pffffft’ when the meat gets pulled from the freezer *wink wink*. Oh no. I’m talking about deliberate, grunting and cracking off a ripe one while in the middle of a sex act.
Really? What part of you thinks this is attractive or “sexy”. I know it’s called a ‘fart box’ but I don’t want to hear you squeaking out a wet one while trying to be intimate. Shit like that will get you slapped, man! Especially if it smells like a bad egg mcmuffin.
This one takes the cake with me. I just can NOT stand it when a guy shouts at the top of his lungs when he’s cumming. It is so unnecessary, and quite frankly a bit fakey. And pathetic.
We all grew up learning how to orgasm silently– in bed, in the bathroom, in the shower– so our parents/siblings wouldn’t hear it going down. So there is absolutely no reason now to alert everyone in the neighborhood area that you are cumming by shouting “AAAHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGG! UGH UGH UGH! AAAA-OOOOO-GAAAAA! YIP YIP YIPPEEEEE! YOOOOOOOOOWWWWWZA!”
Or worse. Having the guy grunting like Monica Seles returning a serve in a high-pitched voice. “Uhg-AAAH! Ugh-AHH! Ugh-AAAAHHHH!” *mood killer*
I’m not asking for a ‘shhh-my-parents-are-in-the-next-room’ fuck; I quite enjoy making a bit of noise. And I love a good “Fuck yeah, I’m close! Oh I’m gonna cum! Uuuuggggghhhhhh!” as much as the next guy. But please, think of the neighbors before you ham it up like a bad porn actor.
I must admit the one about Hickeys had me in stitches. Happy Friday everyone!!
Huggs & Love
Thank you Michael for this wonderful photo. I love it!